Saturday, January 06, 2007

If The Wii fails....this game is the goddamn reason....

So there I am, minding my own god damn business at Hollywood Video after returning two Wii games I had previously rented. Little did I know, that my faith in the Wii would be rattled. Not just a little bit, but to a borderline epic degree. I had just come off of two fantastic Wii gaming experiences, Rayman Raving Rabbids, and Madden '07. I wander back to the game isle, and I'm looking through games. Avatar? Not today....Cars? Fuck that? Happy Feet? Jesus Christ...CHICKEN LITTLE?! What the hell is going on? Elebits? Already got it. Red Steel? Bought. Sold it. Dragon Ball? Maybe...I don't like Dragon, but I likes me some fighting....hmm.....what's this?

Alright, maybe I can get an actually good quality FPS game on the Wii. I mean, Red Steel, I'm convinced is broken. I have no problem playing Rayman or cutting out a dudes liver with the Wii, so why the hell does it take an entire second for the gun to follow your motions or have the cross hair just disappear? So I pick it up. And I apologize to myself for doing it.

The motion controls of the Wii are gimmicky, people know that. But it makes it fun. You swing it like a bat, and the screen ACTUALLY does what motion you're doing. It's simple, and it's finally been perfectly recreated for the home market. But everything has a dark side. A side that will go unnoticed.

Stare deep into this mans eyes, for he is your downfall.

WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED?! WHY?! The aiming is excellent, the controls are pretty tight, but I can't get past the first fucking level because you are telling me to hold my controllers on their sides, and push them in and out AND IT DOESN'T DO A GOD DAMN THING! WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM ACTIVISION!?