Saturday, December 30, 2006

Alex's Top 75 N64 Games

Sponsored by...

It's 64-bit! No, really!

75. Earthworm Jim 3D
74. Glover
73. Buck Bumble
72. The New Tetris
71. NHL Blades of Steel
70. BattleTanx
69. Turok: Dinosaur Hunter
68. Mega Man 64
67. Bomberman Hero
66. Micro Machines 64 Turbo
65. ClayFighter 63 1/3
64. South Park 64
63. Road Rash 64
62. Tetrisphere
61. Bomberman 64: The Second Attack
60. Quest 64
59. NFL Quarterback Club '98
58. Rayman 2: The Great Escape
57. Ridge Racer 64
56. Cruis'n Exotica
55. Star Wars: Episode I Racer
54. ECW Hardcore Revolution
53. Snowboard Kids 2
52. Killer Instinct Gold
51. Space Station Silicon Valley
50. Tetris 64
49. Rocket: Robot on Wheels
48. Robotron 64
47. Ken Griffey Jr.'s Slugfest
46. WWF WrestleMania 2000
45. Star Wars: Shadows of the Empire
44. Body Harvest
43. Chameleon Twist
42. Cruis'n World
41. Harvest Moon 64
40. Blast Corps
39. Banjo-Tooie
38. Bomberman 64
37. Doom 64
36. Kirby 64: The Crystal Shards
35. Mario Party 3
34. WCW/nWo Revenge
33. Castlevania 64
32. Wayne Gretzky's 3D Hockey '98
31. Excitebike 64
30. Donkey Kong 64
29. Mario Party 2
28. Cruis'n USA
27. Mario Golf
26. Snowboard Kids
25. Dr. Mario 64
24. Jet Force Gemini
23. Pokémon Puzzle League
22. Beetle Adventure Racing
21. WWF No Mercy
20. Yoshi's Story
19. Mario Party
18. 1080° Snowboarding
17. Wave Race 64
16. F-Zero X
15. Mario Tennis
14. Conker's Bad Fur Day
13. Banjo-Kazooie
12. Star Wars: Rogue Squadron
11. Perfect Dark

10. The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask

The time limit probably hurt this game more than it helped it, but it was still a solid installment of the Zelda franchise.

9. Goldeneye 007

So many perfectly good afternoons of my youth were wasted no thanks to this game.

8. PilotWings 64

In a word, mind-blowing. It hasn't held up as good as the SNES version, but still amazing in its day. If we don't get a Wii sequel, I'm raping something.

7. Star Fox 64

What fucking gender is Slippy supposed to be? Dykiest frog ever. The rumble pak took away my youth far too soon.

6. Diddy Kong Racing

I played the hell out of this. I had already played Mario Kart 64 to death in six months' time, and Diddy Kong Racing felt like a much more complete and nonlinear game. The hovercrafts and planes were an extremely welcome innovation in the kart-racing genre.

5. Super Smash Bros.

I remember when this came out of absolutely fucking nowhere. I would have never expected to see a fighting game (on the N64, of all consoles) tear me away from my Soul Caliburs and Marvel vs. Capcoms of the Dreamcast.

4. Paper Mario

While it wasn't exactly what we wanted (a direct sequel to Mario RPG), it was an amazingly unique and quirky experience, and a nice change of pace from all of the cliched Final Fantasies. Paper Mario still holds up incredibly well today.

3. Mario Kart 64

Although I've enjoyed many Goldeneye multiplayer games, I've probably played even more multiplayer Mario Kart 64 races. I remember spending pretty much all of summer '98 playing Battle Mode with my friends.

2. Super Mario 64

What hasn't been said about this classic? Well, if it wasn't for Mario 64, we wouldn't have had to play crap like Gex. Good going, Nintendo.

1. The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time

You just don't know how hard it was for me to choose between Ocarina and Mario 64. My decision of which is best may be ever-changing. Perhaps they are equal. But Ocarina of Time, just as any other Zelda title, has a distinct, mysterious feeling that I just can't place.

Coming soon: my top SNES, NES, and, for the first time ever, my top Genesis games. If I'm not killed by NyQuil before then.

- alex

Thursday, December 14, 2006

Sponsored By:

"I'm Still Alive! Honest!"

A little weekly column I plan on doing. This is a Six part series featuring my 10 Ten favorite games from each console generation. The breakdown is such:

7th (Next Gen) Generation: 360, PS3, Wii

6th: Gamecube, PS2, Xbox, Dreamcast

5th: PSX, N64, Saturn, Jaguar, 3DO

4th: SNES, Genesis, Neo Geo, Turbo-Graphx 16

3rd (AKA Post Crash): NES, Master System, Atari 7800

2nd: Atari VCS (2600), Intellivision, Colecovision, various others

1st: Odyssey, Pong, Telstar

That's the breakdown. I shall be working my way back through the generations. Obviously omitting the 7th since only one console from the generation exists. Also, this is for consoles. Handhelds don't count. But expect a Handhelds Special soon. So without Further ado:

Double J's Top Ten Games of the Sixth Generation!!!

10. Shenmue (DC) "Do you know where I can find any sailors?"

A risk was taken with this game. For such an early example of sixth generation graphics, it looks amazing. It follows the story of a young man in the '80s in Japan wanting the avenge the death of his father. Which translates into: Do boring stuff around town to make money to get be able to travel to the second game while digging for clues. Tedious at times, but a game experience like no other. Collect toys, pet kittens, drink cola, play arcade games, drive a forklift, get in giant 100 man fights in empty warehouses? This guy is fucking living the life!

9. Tales of Symphonia (Gamecube) "LLOYD IRVING!!"

Stupid main character names aside, this is one of my favorite RPGs of the generation. I enjoyed it more than either of the Final Fantasy games released (thus far, XII isn't exactly looking promising...). Light hearted most of the time, but dead serious when it needs to be. Cheesy and entertaining voice acting. Beautiful graphics. It's a nice little 2 disc experience. It contains a fairly standard RPG story, which a whimsical twist. It's nice. If you haven't played it yet, I could think of a FAR worse way to spend 20 bucks on a game.

8. Super Mario Sunshine (Gamecube) "YAHOO!"

Okay. This may not exactly have been the Super Mario 128 game we were hoping for, but that's okay. It takes a DRASTIC turn from the standard "Jump on shit and kill it" routine of Mario. Instead, you get FLUDD, a water pack that can give you the ability to fly if you need it....
...okay, that is rather stupid, but it's fun. Damn fun. You have to clean up all of the graffiti that Mario is being blamed for. At one point, as Mario, you get sick of the bullshit your are being put through and RIP THE TENTACLES OFF OF A GIANT BLOOPER! Plus you get to rid a Yoshi in a 3D world, how fucking awesome is that?

7. Okami (PS2) "*w00f*"

This is the closest that Sony will EVER get to a Zelda game. As the main character, your digital avatar for this experience is part god, part wolf, part......painter?! With a unique twist on the Action RPG game, Okami executes the greatest game in the genre since Legend of Zelda: OoT. I mean, at some points they even seem to be ripping the game off totally. You have a little tiny wandering artist stuck riding around on you that glows blue, unless he sees something of importance in which case he jumps off of you, changes color and beckons you over to it. Sound familiar? Yeah, I knew it did. Being able to cut bad guys in half with the stroke of a paint brush is way more satisfying than shooting a guy. Seriously.

6. Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker (Gamecube) "*Random childish yell*"

Remember when I said Okami executes the greatest game in the genre is OoT. I meant AFTER Wind Waker. Cell shading is cool. Punch your friend and never talk to him again if he says other wise. Sailing, however, not so cool. But still better than driving a Tank from point A to point B. It's Zelda. It does everything you expect from a Zelda game. Except it has Tingle. If you like Tingle, you're gay. Plain and simple. But it does have a talking boat. Talking boats are cool. MGS Stealth Action (TM)? Irritating as FUCK.

5. Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic (Xbox) "*STAR WARS FANFARE*"

Star Wars Theme [X]
Good story [X]
Darth Vader [_]
Well, 3 outta 4 ain't bad. I'm not much for non-Movie related Star Wars stuff, but BioWare did an AWESOME fucking job on KotOR. Plus, being able to let me decide how much of a prick I am in a game and actually have it affect the outcome is totally awesome, ESPECIALLY when it means joining the Dark Side.

4. Super Smash Bros. Melee (Gamecube) "VS METAL ZELDA!"

The only thing that could have made this game any better was online and Sonic the Hedgehog. This is better than any WWE, Mortal Kombat, or post SFII game ever made. It looks good. It plays good. It's the best party game on the 'Cube. You get some people together to gang up on Pikachu, and that's a good night. Mr. Game and Watch owns your soul. Yeah, you know it.

3. Resident Evil 4 (Gamecube/PS2) "Looks like the president equiped his daughter with ballistics"

It's. So. Beautiful. Resident Evil is one of my all time favorite franchises. It's creepy, it's fun, and it's violent. Zombies are horrible creatures, so you don't feel bad about killing them. Well. Zombies in their traditional sense are gone. It doesn't matter though, Leon is back! Okay. Maybe Leon isn't that cool. And he did turn down pussy at the end of the game....oops, spoilers. Sorry. But it's been several months now people, there is a statute of limitations on these things. NEWS FLASH: Sorry Mr. Heston, but it was EARTH ALL ALONG!
They changed the camera, which is great. I LOVED the old camera, it left me in suspense, but this one is fucking awesome. And it just looks fucking awesome. It is the single best looking game out there in this generation. Period. Get the 'Cube version if you can. The PS2 version has some extra stuff, but it's full of shortcomings of it's own.

2. Katamari Damacy (PS2) "NA-Na, nanananana na, na na na nana naaaa"

If you don't hum the Katamari Damacy theme song randomly after playing this, you aren't human. Simple enough. Roll shit up into your giant sticky ball and send them into space as stars. Nevermind that some of the things you are collecting are human beings, animals, buildings and......rainbows......I'd explain the story, but seriously, it wold be a waste of time. You wouldn't REALLY get it, and that's sad.

1. Metal Gear Solid 3 Subsistence/Guitar Hero (PS2) "TIME PARADOX"

Metal Gear Solid 3 is perhaps on of THE MOST solid story telling games I have ever played. Everything has a place, everything is important, and it plays really well. I prefer this kind of "Rambo" stealth than the sneaking kind. Subsist ace includes that game, plus a whole slew of other features. Online play is can be really fun. Unless you get the weirdo who runs around in a box the whole game. That asshole ruins everything.

Guitar Hero. I mean seriously, what the fuck? Why is this game so cool? It's gimmicky. It came out of NOWHERE and took the world by storm. I mean, it has fucking Blue Oyster Cult! How could you not like pretending to be a rockstar for 5 minutes to well made covers of some of rock and rolls greatest hits. This games difficulty will keep you coming back. It ranges from "Easy as Hell" to "WHY HATH THOU FORSAKEN MEEE!?!?!"

Honorable Mentions: Burnout Revenge was the most perfect racing game this side of Gran Turismo 4. Gran Turismo 4 is one of my favorite franchises, but it IS just more of the same. Max Payne is one my my most favorite action games of this generation. Kingdom Hearts was amazing. The forgotten .hack saga is a great series. Fable is an amazing experience. Resident Evil 0 and REmake are fantastic examples of how to remake a game right. DK Jungle Beat the the BEST platformer you never played. GTA Vice City has one of the best atmospheres I've seen in a game. Metal Gear Solid 2 is fantastic but forgettable.